


After it all

by barbarayoufucks



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, Lesbian AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-09-19
Packaged: 2018-12-24 18:46:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12018813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barbarayoufucks/pseuds/barbarayoufucks
Summary: Alaska and Sharon had a bad breakup and Sharon wants to discuss it but Alaska doesn't think she wants to.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey this is my first time writing a RPDR fic so i hope you like it. If you want, you can find me on tumblr @its-barbara-you-fucks

Alaska stared into her food. She didn’t even know what she was eating. She didn’t really care at this point. It all seemed different, it _was_ all different. Her mouth was dry and her mind was clouded over, she couldn’t even understand what Willam and Courtney were talking about just across the table. She suddenly became hyperaware of the wooden chair beneath her. It was hard and cold. Why this was suddenly dawning on her, she had no clue. Alaska was tired, it had been a couple of days since she had actually slept for more than an hour or so at a time.

This was so different to any other break up Alaska had ever experienced. She remembered her first breakup well; it didn’t hurt, it felt more like a weight off her shoulders. In all fairness, she was gay and so was he. The other ones came and went and sure maybe they stung but they never left her like this, struggling to start again.

She had almost finished her dinner but couldn’t eat anymore, she still felt sick. Alaska looked up at Courtney and Willam, “I’m done, see you guys later.”

“Hold up,” Willam said, “you’re sad and we get it but you’ve been locked up in your dorm for days watching golden girls and that’s not exactly improving your mood. Let’s go out tonight!”

Alaska moaned at the notion. “Come on Alaska, it’ll be fun!” Courtney added.

“What would we even do?” Alaska asked.

“We could go to the blue m-”

“No.” Alaska interrupted. Why would she want to go to the club she met Sharon at? That sounds like hell.

Willam nudged Courtney. “Oh shit yeah… sorry.” Courtney said.

“Let’s go to the movies then.” Willam suggested.

“Ughh” Alaska moaned, “There’s nothing on…”

“Okay but what about this outdoor movie thing on campus that they’re holding tonight… The Princess Bride is playing…”

Alaska stopped to think for a moment, on one hand that was one of her favourite movies of all time, on the other hand, she was tired and heart-broken.

“Ah fuck it!” Alaska said, she was bored of moping around and feeling sorry for herself, “Let’s go!”

“Yay!” Courtney exclaimed, “I think the movie starts at 8 so let’s meet at yours at 7:30.”

“Cool,” Willam said, “but y’know Court, Alaska and I covered your share of the pizza cost last week so…”

“Yes, okay, I’ll buy popcorn and drinks.” Courtney sighed, rolling her eyes.

Alaska laughed, it felt good to smile. It hadn’t been long since her and Sharon had broken up but it felt like decades.

“By George, I think she’s smiling!” Willam exclaimed, laughing out loud.

Alaska rolled her eyes, chuckling under her breath.

It felt like a movie; they were all laughing and having fun, almost as if the past week hadn’t been plagued with the recent events that it was.

But, of course, that didn’t last long.

Courtney’s face fell as she caught a glimpse of bleached blonde hair out of the corner of her eye.

Alaska noticed Courtney’s sudden change in expression. “What’s wrong? What’s going …” Alaska trailed off as she saw Sharon walking towards the table.

“Fuck fuckity fuck.” Alaska whispered loudly to her friends. She stood up quickly and made a beeline for the bins to clear away her plate.

Eyes fixed on her destination, Alaska heard Sharon call out from a couple metres or so behind her, “Alaska, I can explain.”

Alaska ignored Sharon. Alaska didn’t owe Sharon anything. Sharon was the one who needed to provide an explanation, but Alaska still needed time and Sharon owed it to her.

“Alaska, I know you can hear me! I’m begging you to give me just a minute of your time…”

_One minute_ , Alaska thought, _I gave her 12 months of my time and it’s her fault if she didn’t use it how she should have._

“Alaska, I promise you that I’ll make this up to you! This is killing me!”

 “Sharon, just stop. Don’t you think this is killing me too? Just stay the fuck away from me and it will do everyone some good.” Alaska said, looking away from her ex-girlfriend. _Ex_ -girlfriend. Alaska still hadn’t quite gotten used to that yet. She shoved her tray onto the pile and made her way quickly towards the exit of the dining hall, making sure not to even think about looking back at Sharon.

“Come on, please!” Sharon called out, attempting to catch up but Alaska just started to walk faster, “Just talk to me, baby!”

Alaska whipped round and, in a cutting voice only loud enough for Sharon to hear, said “Don’t call me baby.”

Sharon felt a shiver run through her body. The dining hall seemed to spin around her. This did not feel real. Sharon told herself that this was not real. It couldn’t be. Except, it was. Sharon could feel the tears prickling behind her eyes as she watched the only person she could ever trust walk away from her. If having to watch the love of her life rush to get away from her wasn’t bad enough, knowing that it was her fault sure was.

Out in the hallway, Alaska was fighting off tears. This wasn’t like her, she used to be so strong. But Sharon did something to her. Sharon made her really, truly happy, until she didn’t.

_Fuck that_ , Alaska thought, _I’m not gonna let her dictate my actions._

Alaska straightened up and wiped her eyes. She saw Willam and Courtney heading her way.

“Are you okay?” Courtney asked.

Alaska smiled a small smile, “I’ll be better soon.”

Courtney smiled back. “So we’ll see you at 7:30?”

“100%”

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sharon's version of events

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi... sorry about the wait... it's a long one so that's good! Thank you so much for the comments and kudos, it makes me feel good in the heart ;)))) I hope you like the chapter and remember to check me out on tumblr @its-barbara-you-fucks
> 
> (Also this is the break up)

Sharon never thought she would ever be with someone, let alone be exclusive and in love. But nonetheless Alaska happened. Alaska was the hurricane that stormed into Sharon’s life and broke down every possible preconception of love and relationships that Sharon could ever have.

Looking back on the last night they spent together, Sharon knew that this gnawing feeling at her gut was her fault. She knew that it was one hundred percent her fault, no question about it. And perhaps that was why it hurt so much.

Alaska and she had had an argument, a futile one she was sure, but nonetheless a couple things had slipped out that probably shouldn’t have. Yet, that was not uncommon; however fiercely they loved each other would also come across in their arguments, even the smallest.

Sharon stormed out of the dorm room. Alaska was being pedantic and childish and moany. Sharon could not deal with her when she was being like this, there was no point trying to reason with her. Luckily Raja was having a party so Sharon headed over that way.

Walking across campus, Sharon spent most of her time fighting off the nagging feeling in the back of her mind telling her to go back and apologise. She never liked to argue, it just made everyone unhappy, especially herself. But this time Sharon was bored of being the one that said sorry, she was bored of always making sure that Alaska was okay, she was bored of not feeling special. _That’s not fair,_ she thought, _Alaska loves me and I love her more than physically possible._

Sharon arrived outside Manila and Raja’s apartment and sighed. Their apartment was on the 5th floor. There was no lift.

Panting, Sharon knocked on the door.

“It’s only six!” Raja exclaimed, laughing, “It starts at 8!”

Sharon rolled her eyes, “Lasky and I had a fight, I’m sorry I just wanted to get out of there…”

“Ahhh, don’t worry, we needed a bit of help anyway.” Raja replied.

They moved a few tables and chairs, but it was not nearly as much work as raja had made it out to be.

After a while Raja left to get ready and Manila and Sharon just relaxed on the sofa. It felt nice to Sharon sinking it to the cushions and thinking about something other than Alaska and Alaska’s feelings.

“So,” Sharon said, “who is actually coming tonight?”

Manila paused for a second, trying to recap on the number, “Hmmm, Katya, Jinkx, Violet maybe, Adore, everyone basically.”

Sharon laughed out loud, “You can’t even remember!”

Manila rolled her eyes, “Well… I… yeah maybe you are right!”

People were due to start arriving any minute, Raja brought Sharon a PBR along with a question that Sharon did _not_ want to answer.

“Sharon, what actually happened between you and Alaska?”

Sharon sighed and took a big sip of her beer. “Well, I got back late last night and I only just saw her this afternoon and she went off at me because she was worried I guess…”

Manila winced, “yikes”.

“Yeah, I know I did wrong and I feel really guilty but I’m just not used to this at all and I forgot one time to text her and then she starts putting all this stress on me and I couldn’t deal with it.”

“I mean, fair dos…” Raja replies, “but Alaska was only worried, you would have felt the exact same way if it had been her.”

“yeah…” Sharon mumbles, feeling bad for just walking out on Alaska like that. She took another sip of her beer, _maybe I should call Alaska…_ she thought, _maybe later…_

The first guests started to arrive and only half an hour later was the apartment absolutely packed, Sharon could barely hear the people next to her.

The music was almost deafeningly loud but Sharon didn’t care at all; it reminded her of turning her music up as loud as possible in high school to drown out the sound of everyone else. She made her way over to the dance floor where Trixie and Katya were… I suppose you could say dancing. Violet was over there too, laughing along with the others, looking beautiful as always.

Sharon walked over there. “Hey!” Sharon shouted.

“What?” Violet shouted in response.

“Hey!”

“Hey!” Violet replied.

They could barely have a conversation without missing a question or two so they just joined Trixie and Katya in dancing.

Eventually, the apartment grew too stuffy for Sharon so she went out on to the balcony for a cigarette.

The cold, night air felt nice against her face, it felt refreshing. She began to drift away, she still felt bad. Sharon never had the grandioso attitude that Detox had and she always seemed to feel inadequate for Alaska. _Alaska deserved better_ Sharon always seemed to circle back to.

Suddenly the door opened, awakening Sharon from her trance-like state.

“Hey.” Violet said quietly.

“Hey.” Sharon replied.

They stood in silence for a moment until Violet said “I was just wondering if there were any jobs at the Blue Moon… I kinda need to earn money and there are no jobs left on campus.”

Sharon worked at the Blue Moon, it had been her favourite club in Freshman year and eventually she worked up enough courage to apply for a job. That club had so much meaning to Sharon, it was home, truer than Sharon had ever thought she would experience.

“Erm…” Sharon stumbled over her words, “Well… I don’t actually hire people, I don’t know if we even need people… How did you even come to think of this job anyway?”

“Alaska mentioned it and I figured you would be the one to talk to about it.”

Sharon sighed and put her head in her arms. _Of course, Alaska knew that we needed staff. Of course, Alaska listened to everything I say. Of course, Alaska was a better girlfriend than Sharon could ever hope to be._ Sharon thought.

Sharon could feel her eyes stinging; she tried to choke back the tears filled with guilt. The balcony was spinning, the only thing Sharon could think was how she didn’t deserve Alaska.

She slumped down, her back against the railings.

Violet looked worried, “Sharon?” She asked, “What’s wrong?” Violet had never seen Sharon like that before, it was so unlike her that it shook violet a bit.

Sharon took a deep breath in and dried her eyes. “Just some problems with me and Alaska, don’t worry about it… now about that job-”

“Come on Sharon… you have seen me perform, you know that I’d give it my all!” Violet interrupted.

Violet clearly wanted this; Sharon couldn’t deny that Violet would be an amazing performer and waiter. Sharon stood in silence, taking a drag from her cigarette, pondering on whether to give the beautiful woman in front of her a chance.

Violet looked at Sharon with hope in her eyes, Sharon rolled hers jokingly.

“Okay, I’ll talk to Chad…”

Violet launched herself on to Sharon and gave her the tightest hug. “I love you, I love you, I love you! You are amazing you know?”

“I’m not good enough for Alaska though…”

Violet rolled her eyes, “Don’t tell yourself that, you are perfect just the way you are, at least I think so…”

Violet leaned in and kissed Sharon. Sharon was shocked, she couldn’t do this, especially not to Alaska. But she didn’t move away, and eventually Violet noticed.

Violet pulled away, “Sharon? I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have… I should go.”

Sharon stared into the night sky, tears rolling silently down her face. She was shaking. She didn’t pull away, she didn’t pull away. She shouldn’t have done that.

Violet must have left the party before Sharon returned inside because Sharon couldn’t see her anywhere. Instead of going back to Trixie and Katya or Raja, Sharon made a beeline straight for the drinks. Drinking seemed to make this whole thing a bit easier.

Sharon woke up on hers and Alaska’s couch with a splitting headache and the worst nausea. She got up and ran for the bathroom. She didn’t even get a chance to check the time.

Arms resting on the sides, Sharon cried silently into the toilet: she hated being sick, she hated not getting enough sleep and, most of all, she hated being guilty.

The door opened quietly behind her, “Hey baby,” Alaska whispered, “I’m sorry about yesterday, I brought you some tea though to calm your stomach.”

Alaska was perfect. She was warm and loving and just perfection.

Alaska kneeled next to Sharon and started to rub her back. Despite everything that she had done, Sharon couldn’t help but smile.

“I love you, Lasky.” Sharon said hoarsely.

“I love you too, Noodles, more than you could ever know…” Alaska replied, smiling.

Sharon started to cry, her whole body shaking with the tears.

“Baby?” Alaska said, worriedly, “What’s up?”

“I did something wrong…” Sharon trembled.

“Baby?..”

“Last night, I was really upset and … I was really emotional and … Violet kissed me and I-”

“You kissed her back.” Alaska said stoically, all the warmth and happiness draining from her expression, “You kissed her back, didn’t you?”

Sharon couldn’t speak, so instead she nodded.

Alaska’s expression remained the same but tears rolled down her face. “I trusted you, Sharon. I can’t deal with this. I’m gonna go and I don’t want to see you when I come back.”

It went so fast. It all happened so fast. Before Sharon even knew it, she heard the door to the dorm slam. And in that moment, Sharon felt the regret really start to get to her.


End file.
